Unless you’ve had no internet access, been caught-up in all the EU referendum hokum or don’t read my timeline, you couldn’t have missed the fact I’ve just had a very public relapse (as an alcoholic) and a near-mental breakdown.
I wanted to write a few words, on a number of things.
I thought it important to put the three articles I’d written together, in one place – as they may be useful to someone else who is suffering. Useful as an example of how you come from a very dark place and then end up somewhere brighter.
The first piece I did was on Amy Winehouse, and the misunderstanding that still exists surrounding alcoholics. At this point I was at the bottom of a very deep pit, and was struggling to cope. I had no support, no one to turn to – and was *literally* crying out to be saved. Because Amy hadn’t been.
The next piece was based on a Rihanna song, “Russian Roulette”. I had had a medical intervention, but was utterly struggling with it. Self-detox is a dangerous game. You wait for who’s going to pull that trigger first – you, or the drink. I’d had issues with trying to fight it, issues with the professionals I had encountered (not their fault), and issues with the NHS. But also (most importantly) issues with the persistent public sneering at addicts and people with mental health issues.
But the final piece I wrote was based on a Mariah Carey song, “Almost Home”. I went through nearly every aspect of starting off in that pit, working through the self-loathing and hatred of yourself, but gradually beginning to come out the other side. I wrote this because with the right support, the right people to reach out to and some honesty, you can get there – and I wanted to try and provide some hope. That was the hardest thing to write, as I had to be so honest. But I had to be.
I had to be honest with all of this, and write them. Because (and THIS is the point) if any of these – and I hope it’s the final piece – helps just one other person, then all the shit I have been through has made it all fucking worthwhile.
I hope it helps more than one person – I hope a lot of people have drawn some sort of hope from this. But one would be enough.
So, I’ve drawn some dotted lines in the sand.
I say dotted for a reason. The most important thing with mental health and addiction is that you look after yourself. Because neither of those things ever go away. You never draw a full line; you just learn to manage. And you keep one eye on those demons, as they can slip through your dots. You “check in” on a regular basis. Because something can always catch you, unawares.
No, there is never that “full” line drawn. But, by God, you can try your hardest to make sure nothing gets through those dots.
But as long as you know this, and stay as safe as possible – then you CAN beat each battle.
I just want to thank all my Twitter friends, as well. I wouldn’t have done it without you.
And if anyone else ever needs someone – you all know where I am. @MrTopple.
Much love to you all.