My dearest Donald,

You really have reached a new low. No true leader of a free world can you ever be. Should you ever succeed in your political ambitions – and I think you might – you’ll be a genocidal Nazi tyrant. At best.

First you went after the Mexicans. You said they were coming to rape American women and you wanted to build a big wall and then ethnically cleanse North America of 11.5m Mexicans. You may have somewhat missed the great irony of a white European immigrant’s son ethnically cleansing Americans of indigenous Americans, whilst moaning about immigration. And then you’d charge them for the wall.

Then you critiqued Megyn Kelly’s menstrual cycle because during the Fox News GOP debate she was a bit hard on you. You poor thing. I believe there are 33 shades of orange. I have colour-matched you as ‘new gamboge’. And how…